Situationship--a sort-of relationship with all of the emotions and physicality
but with no real commitment. I learned this word recently as I began to foray
back into the dating world after five years of wasted time and effort. There's a
wonderful, comforting feeling that comes with thinking you have found "The One,"
so much so that you stop paying attention to the world around you and fully
engross yourself in him. His likes, his dislikes, the way he smells, his
favorite clothes, and how happy you are to finally feel settled down.
But that's the catch, you're not settled down for good--only for now. Then it's back on the
market for you!
This is where I found myself early 2021, only this time the
dating world was so unrecognizable to me that I didn't even know how to dip my
foot in. COVID-19 turned the world upside down, and the dating world was no
exception. Apps used to be the last resort of the desperate (or extremely busy
and unavailable types), but now it was the one-stop-shop for whatever. One night
stands, dates that go nowhere, "just talking," and the soon-to-be-familiar
SITUATIONSHIP. It's becoming a dirty word to me now. But what exactly is it?
So,
here's how it goes. You are spending your evening mindlessly scrolling through
one of the many dating apps and you match with someone who seems "different."
This could mean something different for everyone, but for me it was a man who
didn't spend every free moment blind drunk or playing video games. (Finding a
man who is not addicted to video games or alcohol is like finding a unicorn).
You match, and if you are as over-it as I was, you wait to see if he starts a
conversation. He does, (points given) but then you have to see if it's a "hey,
how's your week going?" "Fine, how is yours?" "Not too bad haha" kind of
conversation. (Those die almost as soon as they are started). If he passes the
"talking phase" then it's onto a date. That's right! Finally there is a date in
REAL LIFE happening! This is quite the accomplishment and should be rewarded
with full glow-up and cute heels... well the heels are dependent on how tall the
guy actually is... but what the hell! Wear the heels anyway!
Assuming all goes
well and you like each other enough to take things further, thus begins the
situationship. You talk every day, you say all the cute things, but at the risk
of being "clingy" you let him take the lead. He doesn't ask for
exclusivity--so...what are the rules here? That's the essence of the
situationship though--ambiguity. You are sort of together, but can you assume
you have a date to the next inevitable wedding you have to attend? No. You spend
crazy amounts of time together, stay over at each other's places, but there's a
distinct probability he has other women that do the same thing. Does that mean
you can do the same thing? Can you have a few men on a roster that are all a
situationship? Is that cheating? CAN you cheat in a situationship??? This is the
perfect situation for these Casanova clones to get what they want without the
supposed chains that come with an actual relationship. No matter how angry this
idea makes me, Casanova was successful for a reason--it feels nice to be seduced
and romanced, regardless of how smart, independent, and amazing the woman is.
Casanova will have his prize.
I wish I had an answer for myself and anyone else
in this position. Perhaps the only answer for now is to reflect the energy you
are given. As above, so below. If he doesn't give you a reason to treat him like
a boyfriend--then don't.
Good luck out there, -Casanova's Casualty
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